Will be missing....

Hi...
i decided already...
but thats not the thing i try to figure out...
I got friend... yeah friend.... friend!
friend that try to grant me a wish...
which i never get and imagined before...
i appreciated... very appreciated!
yesterday, i very depressed with the decision that i made... i even thought that i might made a wrong decision...
which...
i left when some people still need me... of course to finish and continue the job and not burden them with worksss... i feel guilty because i cannot help my department to keep standing like i did before... new people to early to jugde...hope better than me....
i lost my cool but sometimes annoying collegues, some of them refuses to talk to me like before, some show that they disspointed... some asked me not to leave because they still need me... some show they scared because there no one want to help to do a group report like i did before...  luckily that there are a few person wish me all the best, i feel guilty i scared could not make it by the time i leave... my boss so stupid, why you need to stop us from doing OT, we just want to finish it before i go... i trying to help here, its for your department, for your image... dont scold my collegue for that...
i even crying, because i m scared i could not finish teach new girl to work, existing girl to master what i did before.., again.. i feel very guilty.. i only got 5 days to do it...
But if i stay, im afraid i always need to help you, what will happen to me... its not what i want... how i gonna improve myself... its not my background... while, you comfortably come to work without worrying how to do a job because there is me that will help... how long i need to help you.. boss sure not care about that... how i been tortured here... i been hired for different position but i doing a job that farr far a way from it...
please stand on your own... sure you can do it lah!... ganbatte kudasai... i m tired... i got family that waiting for me to come back to them... my family is priority compared to you... the chance is there... berbakti kepada keluarga adalah benda yang patut aku utamakan... aku mohon maaf..
 Then, berbalik kepada citer yg aku ade kawan yang mmg kawan... a few days before she asked me in Johor where is the place that i wish to go but never make it yet.... so, i just randomly saying a place that i ever wish to go...
 last night we have a chit chat... about her superior resignation and i talk about my resignation, i expressed my sadness... her also expressed sadness because she is very close to her superior that defend her at most of time when being scolded by annoying and stupid big boss... i just listen, trying to comfort her but not much because i m also sad...
then suddenly... she asked me to go to a place that she asked before, i like what??....  come on kak... i just say it randomly... i m not asking her to go there when i told her...
she said she planned already with my another mate... i like... oh my goodness, in her sadness she try to please me... what kind of kindness is that?... i pray for you kak... all the best and God grant you happiness dunia akhirat... insyaallah.. its maybe hard for us to see each other after i go.. but i m sure that you got that happiness one fine day...

...the end...

berusaha berjaya?

Hi again....
Thing did not settle yet...
I had try my hardest? to make sure i take the offer...
I make my mind to give at least a try even though my heart want to stay here... of course family is the main reason especially my little brother... just because of him, i give a try...
Today, i got sms from an owner  told me that the room only available on July, how is that?... i start work on May... two months where i going to stay?...
Then, i called the company to ask for a help which is to get me at least contact no for the rental... unfortunately, the person in charge of me is on leave..
Anyhow, i try talk to the lady on the phone, she asked my contact n told me, maybe she can help because she ever heard before that their female engineer looking for housemate... i happy for the hope but then up until now, there are no info at all... how long i have to wait... i need to give a notice... if yes, say yes if no just say no...
Its make me think, if thing would be harder, i better say no to the offer plus, there are a policy that make me not happy with the company...
But again, i will try tomorrow to call a person in charge of me, maybe tell him about my problem, if no solution i have to decline the offer very politely as he helped me a lot during my previous interview...
I hope i will do it tomorrow or else by Tuesday i have to send an email to say no formally...

Oh man... i got headache, i can eat but not that enjoy, not really happy, isolated myself... again i want to talk to someone, but i do not know who.,, i wont burden my friend with my worries, with my thought... i m sure that they will ask me to think thoroughly before deciding... i don't need that thing.... mak... i need you....!..

I feel like want to cry but it wont settle the thing...
If i stayed, i will be bullying by that stupid girl... you do not how to work, do not disturb me... how many time i need to teach you... i got my work u know, you are lower than me but then you asked me to finish you job just because you do not know...?..
How annoying you are... lucky you because bos didn't care who did the job as long as job are finish!...
You damn girl! You damn!... you just know how to create a problem, and leave it to me to settle... i hate you!...
Just because i don't like to create a chaos, get fight with people, you did this to me!...


I very sad, depressed....
I disappointed with myself...



_THE END_

DIZZY N NAUSEOUS

Hi there!...
Today i felt very tired, sleepy, dizzy also nauseous...
 I know why... its not that im pregnant!... ohoo... of course not!.. bffft...
It just that i do not know how to decide.. damn its so hard when you need to choose for your future n family.. when there are many circumstances...
i cannot sleep, less focus on work, not happy fortunately i can eat... if not im dying man!
Up until now, i still worrying, keep thinking which one is the best for me...
Msg here n there, surf here n there, ask here n there, whassap here n there, but no positive feedback... why its so hard... i just need at least a room to rent, that is it.. is that hard?...
when i asked for opinion...
some said its up to you, you going make a big decision for your life
some said make a consideration first, think on the both sides when you have no shelf to stay n no transport to move... offer not that great but better than current.. big responsibilities compared to current...
while others said, just go... everything will be settled by the time...
me, my self, half said why you need to go when you are happy here, you got stable life what?
your friend are here.. you are familiar with the system n work, felt satisfied with tthe salary not that much but okay... while new job need your responsibilities, its big man! its big!
my other half, go.. its chance for you to go back to hometown, payback time for the family, helping brother get that kasih sayang of a sister when mother not more around...expanding your career,you should practice what your degree taught you, chance might not come twice man... only if i got the license, things wouldnt be this hard, i can go back home n drive to search for rental house ... nih x nk harapkn org jek, org pn ade keje jgk nk buat... hal rumah satu hal, transport lak ape citer?... adoyaii...
oh man..
istikharah pn dh buat, but i do not what to say...
 Klu stay karang, time bos mengamuk, aku plak meroyan nk cari keje lain, yg tempat bru nih plak xthu lg culture die mcm mne... sak  kkiiiit btul....
Really feel like to throw out... i feel like need someone to decide for me... i need to speak to someone but... i know im disturbing them with my worries nothing beneficial for them... they got their own problem...  its my life, its for me to decide...
i just want to say NO, but family came to my mind... for their sake n for my own sake, when you close to family, life would be different..

Adakah ini sebenarnya ujian untuk ku?... untuk melihat kebergantungan ku kepada mu ya Allah.. sesungguh nya aku amat memerlukan petunjuk dan pertolongan Mu....

Aku harap aku buat keputusan yg terbaik..., sesiapa yg terbce post nih... doakn aku buat keputusan yg tepat... aminn...

_THE END_

what to say? what to choose?

Hi there blogger.... are you still survive..?
Its takes me sòoooooooo long to come to you and update...
My bad... sorry then...

Eh.... apedaa...

Life is means to choose... its all up to you man!..
Why we need to choose, when we can just take those choices?...
Why there must be.. " ouh, that one are not goood for you"  or " i think this one is much better for you"?... when we dont even one which one....
Damn man! Why we do not know what to choose? how do we know which one is the best?... anyone? Do you have any idea?... please let me know...

Both are great for me...
One with good title and salary... but not so good in accomodation provided. Plus big job to handle. Anyhow its takes me back to family which is the things that i badly want to do... payback time maa... ayooo...
While, another i got stable life just too far from my lovely family... fair salary, excellent accomodation, no much to be proud of the title... but then got promoted just to keep me from runaway... huhu... increase salary... backbone of the department for document control and accountacy... i am engineering background yar..., not really believe to rely on new girl... ayaa... boleh x awak cepat skit bljr... jgn malas... kiter dh penat.... awk dibyr tuk bekerja...

Why its  must come promotion when i ready to face another phase of life... when i ready to give a commitment to my family... both are really great but why its must come at the same time...

RUNSING.RUNSING. really am...

I just hope for the best. Lets time decide because Allah knows what is better for me...

_THE END_