no word to describe?

Yo! There..

for the current state, i think i've made wrong decision about expanding my career...
Expand la sgt kan...
For now, i didnt find any way that pleased me to stay longer here..
Nk solat ssah sgt... in case klu blik lmbt.. changes tuk burn sgt tinggi.. sume org dh blik,, keje ape nih?..
surau pn nk kne kunci 24 jam.. mtk kunci xdpt2... terpkse tebalkn muke pjm dgn org lain taip2 hari.. klu x mmg x solat lah... sia2 hidup.. bdak umah plak, nk pjm kunci nk g duplicate snediri pn pyh.. tinggal kt office lah... xyh duplicate kiter ade lebih la... tbe mse.. hampeh.. ape pn xdak... mcm mne aku nk buat..
then, communication.. aku xfhm ape yg bos aku ckp.. bhse indon ke laut english ape tah lg.. abih bhse ape aku nk ckp... ko dtg sini bljr bhse dlu boleh x?..
i started thinking that i not the right person for the position.. byk bnde aku x thu.. how lack i am..  3 persons job that i need n have to settle alone??.. ko giler?..  aku sblum nih jge operation je kot n analysis nga performance monitoring... nih tbe2 aku lah EO, akulah WWt, akulah air pollution pic, bile mtk guide drp manager.. manager pn pening.. die pn byk keje... abih aku nk gerak mcm mne... dgn mslh sane sini.. tkar ssuke hati x ikut peraturan, nksukehati xikut step... ko igt ape?... phtu sruh settlekn mne yg pending, buat surat sane buat surat nih.. tepon org tuh tepon org nih... igt aku knal rmai org... tye bdak lme pn mcm blur2.. tye status nih dh smpai mne.. xleh nk ckp details.. serabut weh serabut.. ikut hati nk jek benti..
duk umah sewa pn mahal, nk g keje pn susah.. mcm mne nk survive... mcm dh xde life dh aku nih... nk nangis pn xde gne.. aku pasti aku tensen..
kdg2 nk mkn tghhari pn ssah, tepat 12:30 lauk dh abis, nasi dh abis... kdg2 tensen.. rehat start 12:30, tp biler dtg kantin lauk dh abis... terpkse la berlpar kiter smpai blik.. nk kuar g beli kt luar.. jauh sgt n x kenal jln.. kan ade aku blik terus kn xdtg2 lg dah smpai bler2..
aku pn dh xde hati sgt nk keje kt situh..
geram nye aku.. bos pn kdg2 suke2 jek nk jerit kt aku... org lain yg ko marah nga aku2 ko jerit... tuh blum aku yg buat salah... klu aku buat salah xthu la jerit setara mne.., tgu je la... nk tgk mcm mne...  dh mcm org bodo pn ade duk situh.. geram sih geram...
expense plak, skrg dh melebih2 la.. gji lg byk tmpt lme aku kot... ot skurg2nye bleh claim.. sini?... keje lah kot smpai lewat mlm pon.. gaji same jek x lebih pn.. penat je lah yg lebih..
Knpela ko amik aku keje... klu ko x amek kn senang... bhgia aku duk tmpt lme... aku pn bodo percaya sgt.. berani sgt.. haa.. padan la muke... dh keje elok2. Sume sng... cari yg ssah... bodo giler... konon nk dekat nga family... nih dkat family ade ko rse senang, tenang ade?... lg serabut ade.. dgn nk blik nye ssah... mkn ssah... serabutt mmg serabut...

Will be missing....

Hi...
i decided already...
but thats not the thing i try to figure out...
I got friend... yeah friend.... friend!
friend that try to grant me a wish...
which i never get and imagined before...
i appreciated... very appreciated!
yesterday, i very depressed with the decision that i made... i even thought that i might made a wrong decision...
which...
i left when some people still need me... of course to finish and continue the job and not burden them with worksss... i feel guilty because i cannot help my department to keep standing like i did before... new people to early to jugde...hope better than me....
i lost my cool but sometimes annoying collegues, some of them refuses to talk to me like before, some show that they disspointed... some asked me not to leave because they still need me... some show they scared because there no one want to help to do a group report like i did before...  luckily that there are a few person wish me all the best, i feel guilty i scared could not make it by the time i leave... my boss so stupid, why you need to stop us from doing OT, we just want to finish it before i go... i trying to help here, its for your department, for your image... dont scold my collegue for that...
i even crying, because i m scared i could not finish teach new girl to work, existing girl to master what i did before.., again.. i feel very guilty.. i only got 5 days to do it...
But if i stay, im afraid i always need to help you, what will happen to me... its not what i want... how i gonna improve myself... its not my background... while, you comfortably come to work without worrying how to do a job because there is me that will help... how long i need to help you.. boss sure not care about that... how i been tortured here... i been hired for different position but i doing a job that farr far a way from it...
please stand on your own... sure you can do it lah!... ganbatte kudasai... i m tired... i got family that waiting for me to come back to them... my family is priority compared to you... the chance is there... berbakti kepada keluarga adalah benda yang patut aku utamakan... aku mohon maaf..
 Then, berbalik kepada citer yg aku ade kawan yang mmg kawan... a few days before she asked me in Johor where is the place that i wish to go but never make it yet.... so, i just randomly saying a place that i ever wish to go...
 last night we have a chit chat... about her superior resignation and i talk about my resignation, i expressed my sadness... her also expressed sadness because she is very close to her superior that defend her at most of time when being scolded by annoying and stupid big boss... i just listen, trying to comfort her but not much because i m also sad...
then suddenly... she asked me to go to a place that she asked before, i like what??....  come on kak... i just say it randomly... i m not asking her to go there when i told her...
she said she planned already with my another mate... i like... oh my goodness, in her sadness she try to please me... what kind of kindness is that?... i pray for you kak... all the best and God grant you happiness dunia akhirat... insyaallah.. its maybe hard for us to see each other after i go.. but i m sure that you got that happiness one fine day...

...the end...

berusaha berjaya?

Hi again....
Thing did not settle yet...
I had try my hardest? to make sure i take the offer...
I make my mind to give at least a try even though my heart want to stay here... of course family is the main reason especially my little brother... just because of him, i give a try...
Today, i got sms from an owner  told me that the room only available on July, how is that?... i start work on May... two months where i going to stay?...
Then, i called the company to ask for a help which is to get me at least contact no for the rental... unfortunately, the person in charge of me is on leave..
Anyhow, i try talk to the lady on the phone, she asked my contact n told me, maybe she can help because she ever heard before that their female engineer looking for housemate... i happy for the hope but then up until now, there are no info at all... how long i have to wait... i need to give a notice... if yes, say yes if no just say no...
Its make me think, if thing would be harder, i better say no to the offer plus, there are a policy that make me not happy with the company...
But again, i will try tomorrow to call a person in charge of me, maybe tell him about my problem, if no solution i have to decline the offer very politely as he helped me a lot during my previous interview...
I hope i will do it tomorrow or else by Tuesday i have to send an email to say no formally...

Oh man... i got headache, i can eat but not that enjoy, not really happy, isolated myself... again i want to talk to someone, but i do not know who.,, i wont burden my friend with my worries, with my thought... i m sure that they will ask me to think thoroughly before deciding... i don't need that thing.... mak... i need you....!..

I feel like want to cry but it wont settle the thing...
If i stayed, i will be bullying by that stupid girl... you do not how to work, do not disturb me... how many time i need to teach you... i got my work u know, you are lower than me but then you asked me to finish you job just because you do not know...?..
How annoying you are... lucky you because bos didn't care who did the job as long as job are finish!...
You damn girl! You damn!... you just know how to create a problem, and leave it to me to settle... i hate you!...
Just because i don't like to create a chaos, get fight with people, you did this to me!...


I very sad, depressed....
I disappointed with myself...



_THE END_

DIZZY N NAUSEOUS

Hi there!...
Today i felt very tired, sleepy, dizzy also nauseous...
 I know why... its not that im pregnant!... ohoo... of course not!.. bffft...
It just that i do not know how to decide.. damn its so hard when you need to choose for your future n family.. when there are many circumstances...
i cannot sleep, less focus on work, not happy fortunately i can eat... if not im dying man!
Up until now, i still worrying, keep thinking which one is the best for me...
Msg here n there, surf here n there, ask here n there, whassap here n there, but no positive feedback... why its so hard... i just need at least a room to rent, that is it.. is that hard?...
when i asked for opinion...
some said its up to you, you going make a big decision for your life
some said make a consideration first, think on the both sides when you have no shelf to stay n no transport to move... offer not that great but better than current.. big responsibilities compared to current...
while others said, just go... everything will be settled by the time...
me, my self, half said why you need to go when you are happy here, you got stable life what?
your friend are here.. you are familiar with the system n work, felt satisfied with tthe salary not that much but okay... while new job need your responsibilities, its big man! its big!
my other half, go.. its chance for you to go back to hometown, payback time for the family, helping brother get that kasih sayang of a sister when mother not more around...expanding your career,you should practice what your degree taught you, chance might not come twice man... only if i got the license, things wouldnt be this hard, i can go back home n drive to search for rental house ... nih x nk harapkn org jek, org pn ade keje jgk nk buat... hal rumah satu hal, transport lak ape citer?... adoyaii...
oh man..
istikharah pn dh buat, but i do not what to say...
 Klu stay karang, time bos mengamuk, aku plak meroyan nk cari keje lain, yg tempat bru nih plak xthu lg culture die mcm mne... sak  kkiiiit btul....
Really feel like to throw out... i feel like need someone to decide for me... i need to speak to someone but... i know im disturbing them with my worries nothing beneficial for them... they got their own problem...  its my life, its for me to decide...
i just want to say NO, but family came to my mind... for their sake n for my own sake, when you close to family, life would be different..

Adakah ini sebenarnya ujian untuk ku?... untuk melihat kebergantungan ku kepada mu ya Allah.. sesungguh nya aku amat memerlukan petunjuk dan pertolongan Mu....

Aku harap aku buat keputusan yg terbaik..., sesiapa yg terbce post nih... doakn aku buat keputusan yg tepat... aminn...

_THE END_

what to say? what to choose?

Hi there blogger.... are you still survive..?
Its takes me sòoooooooo long to come to you and update...
My bad... sorry then...

Eh.... apedaa...

Life is means to choose... its all up to you man!..
Why we need to choose, when we can just take those choices?...
Why there must be.. " ouh, that one are not goood for you"  or " i think this one is much better for you"?... when we dont even one which one....
Damn man! Why we do not know what to choose? how do we know which one is the best?... anyone? Do you have any idea?... please let me know...

Both are great for me...
One with good title and salary... but not so good in accomodation provided. Plus big job to handle. Anyhow its takes me back to family which is the things that i badly want to do... payback time maa... ayooo...
While, another i got stable life just too far from my lovely family... fair salary, excellent accomodation, no much to be proud of the title... but then got promoted just to keep me from runaway... huhu... increase salary... backbone of the department for document control and accountacy... i am engineering background yar..., not really believe to rely on new girl... ayaa... boleh x awak cepat skit bljr... jgn malas... kiter dh penat.... awk dibyr tuk bekerja...

Why its  must come promotion when i ready to face another phase of life... when i ready to give a commitment to my family... both are really great but why its must come at the same time...

RUNSING.RUNSING. really am...

I just hope for the best. Lets time decide because Allah knows what is better for me...

_THE END_

please fill in the blank

Kosong....
Pudar...
Khayal...
Bengong...
Kusut....
Hidup ini ibarat lampu dinding yg dinyalakn di malam hari...
Padam kala minyak sudah kering...

hidup x tntu arah tujuan... 
xthu ape yg aku nk dlm hidup nih sebenarnye...
Begini agaknya hidup tanpa seorg ibu... 
hilang tempat bergantung, hilang tempat mengadu, hilang tempat melepaskn kerinduan... 
hilang most of the nikmat kasih sayang... 
Penat kadang-kadang bila mana kita rasa keseorangan.. 
Penat bila mana hanya mengharapkan kawan-kawan yg kdgkala juga ada masalh mereka sendiri... 
penat sememang penat...

Nak khusyuk dalam solat x? klu nak bace nih.. :)

MAKSUD-MAKSUD BACAAN DALAM SOLAT

5 kali sehari sekurang-kurangnya di darabkan dengan Hari dan Tahun kita semenjak cukup umur sehingga Penghujung Usia kita,adakah ada sebab kita tidak boleh memahami Maksud-Maksud ini lagi?Ya Allah bantulah kami.



Allah Maha Besar

DOA IFTITAH

Allah Maha Besar dan segala puji bagi Allah dengan banyaknya.
Maha suci Allah sepanjang pagi dan petang.
Aku hadapkan wajahku bagi Tuhan yang mencipta langit dan bumi,
dengan suasana lurus dan berserah diri
dan aku bukan dari golongan orang musyrik.
sesungguhnya solatku, Ibadatku, hidupku, matiku adalah untuk Allah Tuhan sekelian alam.
Tidak ada sekutu bagiNya dan kepadaku diperintahkan untuk tidak menyekutukan bagiNya dan aku dari golongan orang Islam.


AL-FATIHAH

Dengan nama Allah yang maha Pemurah lagi maha Mengasihani.
Segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan semesta alam.
Yang maha pemurah lagi maha mengasihani.
Yang menguasai hari pembalasan.
Hanya Engkaulah yang kami sembah
dan hanya kepada Engkau kami mohon pertolongan.
Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus. Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan jalan mereka yang Engkau murkai dan bukan jalan mereka yang sesat.


BACAAN KETIKA RUKUK

Maha Suci TuhanKu Yang Maha Mulia dan dengan segala puji-pujiannya.


BACAAN KETIKA BANGUN DARI RUKUK

Allah mendengar pujian orang yang memujinya.


BACAAN KETIKA IKTIDAL

Wahai Tuhan kami, bagi Engkaulah segala pujian.


BACAAN KETIKA SUJUD

Maha suci TuhanKu yang Maha Tinggi dan dengan segala puji-pujiannya.


BACAAN KETIKA DUDUK DIANTARA DUA SUJUD

Ya Allah, ampunilah daku, Rahmatilah daku, kayakan daku, angkatlah darjatku, rezekikan daku, berilah aku hidayah, sihatkanlah daku dan maafkanlah akan daku.


BACAAN KETIKA TAHIYAT AWAL

Segala penghormatan yang berkat solat yang baik adalah untuk Allah. Sejahtera atas engkau wahai Nabi dan rahmat Allah serta keberkatannya. Sejahtera ke atas kami dan atas hamba-hamba Allah yang soleh. Aku naik saksi bahawa tiada Tuhan melainkan Allah dan aku naik saksi bahawasanya Muhammad itu adalah pesuruh Allah. Ya Tuhan kami, selawatkanlah ke atas Nabi Muhammad.


BACAAN KETIKA TAHIYAT AKHIR

Segala penghormatan yang berkat solat yang baik adalah untuk Allah. Sejahtera atas engkau wahai Nabi dan rahmat Allah serta keberkatannya. Sejahtera ke atas kami dan atas hamba-hamba Allah yang soleh. Aku naik saksi bahawa tiada Tuhan melainkan Allah dan aku naik saksi bahawasanya Muhammad itu adalah pesuruh Allah. Ya Tuhan kami, selawatkanlah ke atas Nabi Muhammad dan ke atas keluarganya. Sebagaimana Engkau selawatkan ke atas Ibrahim dan atas keluarga Ibrahim. Berkatilah ke atas Muhammad dan atas keluarganya sebagaimana Engkau berkati ke atas Ibrahim dan atas keluarga Ibrahim di dalam alam ini. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Terpuji lagi Maha Agung.



DOA QUNUT

Ya Allah, berilah aku petunjuk sebagaimana orang-orang yang telah Engkau tunjuki. Sejahterakanlah aku sebagaimana orang-orang yang telah Engkau sejahterakan. Pimpinlah aku sebagaimana orang-orang yang telah Engkau pimpin. Berkatilah hendaknya untukku apa-pa yang telah Engkau berikan padaku. Jauhkanlah aku daripada segala kejahatan yang telah Engkau tetapkan. Sesungguhnya hanya Engkau sahajalah yang menetapkan, dan tidak sesiapapun yang berkuasa menetapkan sesuatu selain daripada Engkau. Sesungguhnya tidak terhina orang yang memperolehi pimpinanMu. Dan tidak mulia orang-orang yang Engkau musuhi. Telah memberi berkat Engkau, ya Tuhan kami dan maha tinggi Engkau. Hanya untuk Engkau sahajalah segala macam puji terhadap apa-apa yang telah Engkau tetapkan. Dan aku minta ampun dan bertaubat kepada Engkau. Dan Allah rahmatilah Muhammad, Nabi yang ummi dan sejahtera keatas keluarganya dan sahabat-sahabatnya.


والله اعلم,

Penghayatan bacaan yg disertai perngertian dgn makna bacaan dlm solat benar2 memberi seribu penghayatan,kusyu dan kemanisan dalam solat.
Tidak disangkal lagi khayal terhadap Allah ini mncipta sifat ikhlas & cinta akan Nabi dan mengenal Allah dgn sebaiknya.

Semoga Allah menunjukkan Jalan Kebenaran yang sebenarnya dan Memakbulkan Doa-Doa di dalam Solat, InsyaAllah.


SUMBER :
http://halaqah.net/v10/index.php?topic=2499.0


"wahai tuhan ku tak layak kesyurgamu , namun tak pula aku sanggup keNerakamu, kami lah hamba yang mengharap belas darimu ."ya allah jadikan lah kami hamba2 mu yang bertaqwa..ampunkan dosa2 kami .kedua ibubapa kami .dosa semua umat2 islam yang masih hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia"


Untuk pengetahuan kiter bersama, agar lebih khusyuk dalam solat dan hati menjadi lebih tenang sambil mendekatkan lagi diri dan hati kiter dengan Allah Taala. 


Jom!... Selamat beramal...